Thoughts on the Magis Institute's Ignatian Reflection

"Do we really believe He is who He and the Church say He is?"

I'd like to think so but in all honesty this is an area that could use some work.  I think this year I really need to not sit back on my lorrells (?) and take for granted that I "believe" and thats good enough.   I do believe He is the son of God, God's right hand, the Word of God, but is that enough?  Nope.   I want more!  Where is that fire, that passion, that consumed me when He first gave me to believe?  I am lazy, I am human, but He is worthy, deserved, of so much more. 

Desire.

Where is my desire?  I desire a roof over my head, food on my table, acceptable health for myself, my loved ones and of course Iris.  But what is my hearts desire?   my souls desire?   Him of course, to feel Him there always.  Who the heck am I to have such desires though?  I am His beloved.  Now all I have to do is convince myself of that.  I have seen so much ugliness that it's easier to believe in,  I can see it any time I want, or don't want.  It haunts me, all those images of people enslaved by addiction and self loathing.  Who would they be, who would I be, if we had known from the start that He is in love with us.  Passionately, foolishly, wonderfully in love with us!  Then we would have wanted nothing else.  He creates us to find Him, but why?   Why not just know it right from the beginning?

Mystery.

Who doesn't love a good mystery?  Perhaps He is appealing to our natural hunting instincts.  We need to find it, to figure it out, to acquire it.  Perhaps mystery and desire are two sides of the same coin.  It would be all good if it wasn't for all of that darn suffering.  Isn't that what all the agnostics and athiests use as their first defense, and offense?  It's a good one, I used many, many times myself in the bad old days.  The theologian say that He allows suffering to bring about a greater good.  That is one complicated equation!  To big for my puny intellect, and for most I would say.   The academics think that if it's not in a book, if somebody somewhere hasn't thought of it, seen it, proved it, then it just isn't possible.  Personally, and maybe because of what I have witnessed, I think that they give the human intellect way to much credit.  I mean it is phenomonal what we, as as creatures, have accomplished and I am most greatful to Man and his many accomplishments,  but lets be real here, we will never know everything.  That is the bottom line, like it or not.  It's just to big.

peace,  

What's New?

Just starting up a blog for the heck of it.  Why not?   Hanging with Iris in this sauna of an apartment of ours amongst many boxes.  I hate chaos but can't seem to avoid it.  Waiting on a move that is a good thang but that I have very little control over.  In my never ending pursuit of the oh so elusive virtues,  patience will be the last, if ever,  I aquire.   Especially when it comes to authority figures, which when your in my state in life, is virtually everyone.  But I tell ya I can't help but feel blessed, meaning in this context cared for, loved, protected.   Maybe it's the insanity talking but I'm just saying, not as worried as some might be in my perdicament.  I think I am finally nestling into this trust thing with the Lord.  Not that I don't have my moments of absolute terror, but they seem to not grab hold of me like they used to.   Fr. John would say "but that's a good thing",  reassuring me that there may be a slim chance that it's possible that just maybe I'm heading kind of in the not wrong direction, maybe.......